We have acknowledged that conflict is escapable. Differences in background, life experience, perceptions result in different opinions on almost any subject.
It is true that conflict can be very painful and can produce negative consequences. But it doesn’t have to be that way. The problem isn’t conflict itself. The problem lies in how people relate to one another in conflict.
Conflict has some very important functions. When different points of view are expressed, we often discover information that wouldn’t be available to us if we didn’t express those differing views. Healthy conflict can clear the air. And it can lead to a more creative and more effective solution to whatever problems we face as individuals and as groups.
Another benefit of conflict is that we learn something about ourselves. We need to consider resistance as our ally. When we meet resistance its is tempting to ignore it and push ourselves into denial. Or we can wage war on resistance, trying to force things through.
But a third approach is often more productive: we can stop and reflect on why what we are doing isn’t working and then change our approach.
One of the things that we often don’t realize is that when we react strongly and negatively to characteristics in other persons, it is usually an indication that we are reacting to something in ourselves. Somehow this other person reminds us of our own shadow side. Our strong reaction indicates that this is a trait that we deny in ourselves. It makes us anxious to confront this part of ourselves so we focus on the behavior of someone else.
Conflict, then, becomes an opportunity to learn something important about ourselves. Often this is painful learning; yet it can also lead to healing. It can lead to growth and greater maturity for us.
When we begin to understand ourselves at a deeper level, we develop an increased ability to understand and to empathize with others. We learn to be more compassionate about ourselves and that leads to greater compassion for others. This is an important way that conflict can be a creative force for us and for others as well.
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