I received an email in response to my posts on creative conflict. Here’s the question, disguised a bit to keep the questioner anonymous and my response.
think you ask a good question. I know it is painful to deal with the kind of cutoff that you describe, especially when it involves a family relationship.
The Question: “I’m wondering how you open up a conflict in a relationship and make it an opportunity for resolutions when communication has shut down.”
My Response: I think it is important that we do what we can to keep the possibility of communication open from our side of the relationship. For instance, I know of one family member who always sent a Christmas card to another family member, even though he never got a reply and once got the card back unopened.
The truth is that we have no control over another person's behavior. We can't prevent them from cutting themselves off from us. It is tempting to ignore them as well, but I think the healthier, more mature response is to continue to indicate that our door is open to communication and relationship. Sometimes people surprise us by walking through that door even when we don't expect it.
I think it is good to ask ourselves whether there is anything in the other person that we also find in ourselves. We might learn something about ourselves by that question. Once we've considered that, we may simply have to adjust our expectations, realizing that as sad as it is for us, we may not be able to have the kind of relationship that we'd like to have with another person.
I hope this helps, even though it doesn't give you the 'magic' solution.
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